Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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