Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
