guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
