i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Congratulations! We have a period
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
