last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
