I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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