I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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