arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
