He told me they were just razor bumps!
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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