So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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