you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
