dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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