i think my tv is drunk
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
