Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
