I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Randomize
