between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Houston, we have a squirter
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
His nipple licking is glorious
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
