WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize