Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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