dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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