Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
