We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
