I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
