I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
