If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
