I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
