you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Randomize
