My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I forgot how hot balto sounded
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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