I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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