Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
