I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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