Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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