We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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