I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
