His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
