I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
