Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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