party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
