Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
