I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
