Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
