i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
