Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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