I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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