Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
