Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
