your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
