I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
