Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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