Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
