Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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