so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
