Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
