adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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