PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
