3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
