Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
