tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
