she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
