Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
