There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
