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Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
We named our party play list daddy issues
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
