I just made out with a guy for $7.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
