are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
