dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
