apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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